I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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