plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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