Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
