Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
