I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
