Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
