he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
