OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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