Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
