"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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