No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
