He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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