Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
