we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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