btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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