oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
