He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
