there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
