I CAN MOONWALK!
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
