I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
