dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
