i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
