Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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