You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
