is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
she told me i tasted like america
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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