Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
