I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
