I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize