You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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