At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You pole danced in your parka.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
