Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
