Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize