I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
