cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
