sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
