Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
