you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize