ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
nutella sex= disaster
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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