listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I can't put those talents on a resume
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
