he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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