3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
