im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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