So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
