then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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