we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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