Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
