Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
