1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
oh god the rape fog is back!
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
