I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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