i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
It's just like the Real World with babies
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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