I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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