last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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