so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
