I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
