i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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