She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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