Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just threw up on my dentist
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
