Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
its liver damage thursday
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
