I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
