I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
